Last night, you had your first fever. You’ll most likely never remember it, but it’ll be forever engrained in my memories.

I snuggled you like always to get you to fall asleep. You were fussier than normal trying to get comfortable, and every time I left your side you woke up. I snuggled up to you again and this time you felt warmer than normal. We tried to give you medicine, but it quickly came back up with part of your dinner. 

We quickly changed and carried you downstairs. I held you while your mummy called the on call nurse. Twice we checked your temperature, but I already knew what it would say. Your body was burning up. We took off some layers and placed a cool cloth on your head to bring your temperature down. It seemed to work, but when I tried to put you down, you refused. You didn’t want to be alone, so I continued to hold you.

The doctor arrived a short time later. You cried cos he woke you, but quickly quieted when you looked into his face. He looked strangely similar to your tv crush. You glanced at me maybe to see if you were dreaming, and then smiled back at him when he touched your hand. I quirked my lips because I knew what you were thinking, and whilst the seriousness of the night was far from over, it was a moment to smile.

We didn’t sleep that night. We took turns holding you and snuggling you till you fell asleep. After the umpteeth attempt to put you down, you finally stayed asleep. Throughout the night we kept checking on you, feeling the warmth of your skin, watching for the rise and fall of your chest, and although your temperature was down, we stayed awake.

We spent the night on our pull out sofa because we didn’t want to wake you. I was so uncomfortable. I couldn’t stretch properly, my body was angled funny on the cushion, and at times I was cold in the night. But I kept checking on you. Maybe some parents could sleep through this, but this was new. This was your first fever, so I stayed awake.

It was the hundredth time that I checked my phone for the time. The morning was approaching and I dreaded the day to come. My eyes were stinging and blurry, but when I heard you rustling I turned to check on you. You caught my eyes and smiled. I knew then that you were getting better.

I sat with you on your mat and played. My eyes were so heavy, but I forced them open. Almost two hours later, you wanted to nap. I held my arms open and you crawled into them for a hug. Within seconds you were asleep, still weak and recovering from the previous night. 

After two failed attempts to put you down, I stayed awake and held you. My legs were numb and my back ached like you couldn’t believe. My eyes were still heavy and my mind was blank from exhaustion. But you were comfortably asleep. You looked so peacefully happy in my arms, so I stayed awake. 

I know this is just the first of many colds and fevers to come, but I promise you, you will be looked after and cared for. I promise you I’ll stay awake. 

(Though I can’t guarantee I’ll be functional the next day. ZombiMum will have to suffice.)